You know the Erie County Fair?  You know the grandstand?  IT’S OURS.  That’s right, the biggest entertainment events at the Erie County Fair (now through Aug. 21!) outside of the mutton-busting ring are going to take place on the Buffalo.com Grandstand.  So put down that hog, friend, and see what all the fussin’ is about.  By the way—you need to buy tickets for these shows unless otherwise noted.

Thursday, Aug. 11: Free concert with Randy Houser
Who is Randy Houser, you ask?  Good question.  Country music fans are undoubtedly familiar with his hit singles “Anything Goes” and “Boots On.”  Houser is a 2011 Nominee at the upcoming Academy of Country Music Awards for Top New Solo Vocalist and bears a striking resemblance to Zach Galifianakis. 

Saturday, Aug. 13: Boost Mobile FreestyleMX.com Worldwide Tour
Slam 15 Mountain Dews and get ready to catch sick air when these insane bastards perform jumps, stunts and routines at heights up to 60 feet above the unforgiving ground.  Some of those big names on the tour include Blake Williams, Jeremy Stenberg, Todd Potter and Carey Hart.  Hey, isn’t he married to Pink?  He is!

Sunday, Aug. 14: An Evening with Miranda Lambert
Miranda Lambert is a stone cold country fox.  Apparently she also does some sort of singing.  Anyhow, she will be blond and attractive and performing such hits as “The House That Built Me” and “A Heart Like Mine” at the Fair JUST FOR ME.  You leave her alone.

Monday, Aug. 15: Free concert with America
No, not the entire country, ha ha ha!  That would be difficult to get onstage.  BUT WHAT A SPECTACLE.  America is a band that was fairly popular in the 1970s, kids, for hits like “Horse With No Name,” “Ventura Highway” and “Sister Goldenhair.”  They’re not too bad in a laid-back sort of way.  The price is right, anyways.

Tuesday, Aug. 16: Terry Fator
Alright, I was ready to be snarky about this guy because he’s a ventriloquist, but apparently he’s kind of a big deal.  Simon Cowell called him “one of the top two entertainers on the planet” and he headlines a regular show at The Mirage in Las Vegas.  Me?  I write poorly-trafficked articles for a regional web site.  You win this round, Fator.

Wednesday, Aug. 17: Free concert with Ace Frehley
Know who’s awesome?  Ace Frehley is awesome.  How many other guys have been kicked out of KISS twice?  This probably shows my age, but Ace was my hero for a brief period when I was in high school (granted, he had been out of KISS for over 10 years at that point).  He’s also the living proof that Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are humorless douchebags.  Love you, Ace!  But seriously, consider wearing the makeup again.  Age is not treating you well, my friend.

Thursday, Aug. 18: Ultimate Night of Destruction
Who among us has not wanted to see a school bus with the word “Wrestlemania” painted across the top smash another school bus emblazoned with the Stars and Bars?  None of us, that’s who.  If you’re into seeing a bunch of buses, trucks and cars demolish a bunch of other buses, trucks and cars, then the Ultimate Night of Destruction is right up your alley.  Take that, highbrow culture!

Friday, Aug. 19 and Saturday, Aug. 20: Truck and Tractor Pull
According to the Fair website, there will be “...6 Classes on Friday include Super Modified Tractors, Unlimited Super Stock Tractors, Hot Rod Semis, Super Modified 2WD Trucks, Light Limited Superstocks and Pro Street Diesel Trucks.”  I will give an impressive Buffalo.com prize package to anyone who can email me (bkirst at buffnews.com) with clear explanations of what each of these terms means.  Movie tickets, Bisons tickets, restaurant gift certificates—I will make it worth your while.  You have been challenged, gearheads of Western New York.

Sunday, Aug. 21: Demolition Derby
I grew up in Dunkirk.  The demolition derby at the Chautauqua County Fair is our Super Bowl.  The legends of the Ellmans, Kerns, Clemens and others still drift through the fish-scented breeze off of historic Chadwick Bay.  Bottom line: demolition derby is awesome, you can see it twice on Sunday at the Erie County Fair (2 PM and 7 PM).