It’s the end of the world, and I feel fine
blog by S.J. Velasquez • May 18, 2011 @ 1:33pm
So the world is coming to an end, and I haven’t even begun to prepare. Here I am, thinking the apocalypse was still slated for Dec. 21, 2012. Meanwhile, the beginning of the end is right around the corner—May 21, to be exact. I thought I’d have more time!
If this predicted rapture does happen, I can almost guarantee that I’ll be among those left behind to suffer on Earth—at least until October when rapture theorist Harold Camping says existence will come to a complete halt.
Now, this may sound terrible—you know, being left behind to suffer on Earth while 200 million of our friends get picked up by Jesus for an eternal picnic in heaven—but I’m slowly beginning to embrace the idea of being a rapture reject. Think of all the pros to this:
- Grocery store lines will be way shorter.
- Getting through to radio stations will be so much easier. I’m going to be winning tickets all the time! Get ready, Janet Snyder, I’m going to be on the horn every second of the day. Let’s be honest, Janet’s not making it to heaven for the rapture either.
- Fewer Canadians filling up all the best parking spots at the Walden Galleria.
- Trying to find a reasonably-priced brunch spot that’s not packed with the post-church crowd will be easy-peasy.
This sounds great, right? You’re almost regretting being a responsible and devout Christian now. Don’t worry—I’m sure heaven will be alright, albeit a little crowded due to the sudden admission of 200 million new people into the club. It’ll be fine. But, remember, your pets are not coming with you. They’re stuck here on Earth with us heathens, but we’ve got you covered.
Barry Karr, executive director of Skeptical Inquirer Magazine—based right in Amherst—isn’t convinced that the end is nigh. In fact, he’s worried for the folks who’ve spent their life savings on paying for billboards advertising the rapture and sinking thousands of dollars into bomb shelters. “It’s terrible,” he said. “Based on some guy’s interpretation of the Bible, they’re modifying their behavior.”
“I don’t believe there’s any chance the rapture will occur. I was talking to bankers today about refinancing my mortgage. I’m not going anywhere,” Karr said.
Karr reminded me that end-of-the-world predictions are a dime a dozen. Back in 1994, the Center for Inquiry published an article about Camping, who’s been making inaccurate rapture predictions every few years.