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Young Money: Late summer mailbag

Buffalo Navy Week 2012


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Money munching

blog by Ben Tsujimoto  • 

Buffalo’s Larry Jones seemed like he was in a bit of predicament. Put yourself in his shoes for a second and handle the events described in the Wall Street Journal’s report.

You’re trying to buy French fries at Darien Lake Sunday night, and you decide to pay with a counterfeit $50 bill. When someone nearby becomes immediately suspicious, you panic. What’s your next action?

Well, according to the report, Jones tried to shove the fake bills down his throat, but he failed to actually eat them. So, he wound up with nasty saliva covered fake money. Genesee County Sheriffs apprehended him and charged him with possessing a forged instrument and tampering with evidence, and he’s been jailed without bail. 

The Wall Street Journal states that Jones said he received the counterfeit money when he completed a remodeling job.

The news went national as Gawker Media picked up the report and expanded on ways to quickly eat counterfeit money when you’re in a pinch. Here are two of the best ones and a link to the full article.

Print on an edible medium, like Fruit Roll-Ups. Even if the cashier refuses to accept your fake money, you’ve got a pocketful of delicious Fruit Roll-Ups. Americans should stick to Screamin’ Green Fruit Roll-Ups, though counterfeiters in the Eurozone should feel free to experiment with other flavors.

Consider bringing a large pitcher of water with you when you go up to use your counterfeit bills. If it looks like the jig is up, dump all the bills into the water IMMEDIATELY. Leave them in there as long as the situation permits, so they can soak up as much liquid as possible. Then start shoveling them down. If you feel like you’re going to throw up, don’t throw up, and instead keep eating the fake money. Intersperse your eating with large gulps of water to keep your throat lubricated and as a boon to overall health.

(Header photo courtesy of Flickr / liquene.)

TAGGED: darien lake, eating dollars, gawker media, larry jones, wall street journal

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