Catching up with Gronk
blog by Ben Kirst • September 30, 2012 @ 10:37am
The New England Patriots roll into Buffalo on Sunday for a 1 p.m. showdown with the always-mysterious Bills (are they the awful team that got curb-stomped by the New York Jets in Week One, or the steamroller that took care of Kansas City and Cleveland in the ensuing contests?). Now is as good a time as any for a quick catch-up session with everyone’s favorite local wonder bro done good, Amherst native and record-setting Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski (or second favorite wonder bro, depending on your thoughts on Patrick Kane).
Gronk has had a crazy month so far, and the cover story on the Sunday Sports page of his hometown Buffalo News is just the latest in the roller coaster of ups and downs that has comprised his September.
Sept. 3: Gronkowski is featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s NFL preview. Chris Ballard’s feature story noted that Gronk was paid five figures to attend a 21st birthday party for a Massachusetts woman and finished second in the beer-pounding contest that ensued.
Sept. 6: Nintendo announces that Gronk will be on the cover of the new Tecmo Super Bowl video game.
Sept. 9: Gronkowski catches six passes for 60 yards and a touchdown in New England’s 34-13 win over the Tennessee Titans.
Sept. 11: BostonHerald.com reports that Gronkowski and teammates—a night after attending Pats LB Jerod Mayo’s charitable Mayo Bowl fundraiser—help build a playground for kids in Worcester.
Sept. 16: Gronkowski catches six passes for 75 yards and a touchdown in the Patriots’s 20-18 loss to the Arizona Cardinals. Gronk is flagged for holding on what could have been the game-clinching touchdown for the Pats.
Sept. 17: Gronkowski fires a Civil War-era cannon and successfully drills a clay pigeon with a shotgun blast as part of a Rhode Island fundraiser for the Light Foundation.
Sept. 18: Gronkowski is the the subject of a Grantland.com feature story by Wesley Morris entitled “The Tao of Gronk.” The tagline is “Lunatic? Goofball? Unrepentant party animal? Maybe. But Rob Gronkowski is stupid like a fox.” A key Legend of Gronk-building revelation in the story recounts that “...in July, Gronkowski, his brother Gordie, and some friends made human wheelbarrows on the red carpet at the ESPY Awards (and) ...according to this site’s editor-in-chief, Bill Simmons, he then led a moment of group urination—‘crossies’—in a men’s room stall, sprinted up a down escalator, and went wild with excitement when told he was, indeed, at an establishment that tolerates shirtless partying.”
Sept. 19: Ex-porn star Britney Maclin, with whom Gronk had been previously photographed, releases a sexy new pic of the couple on Twitter. Maclin then claims that her account was hacked.
Sept. 23: Gronkowski has two receptions for 21 yards in New England’s 31-30 loss to the Baltimore Ravens.
Sept. 25: Gronkowski is the subject of an E:60 feature on ESPN with highly-respected sport journalist Jeremy Schaap. Schaap told Esquire.com that, when interviewed, Gronk “...looked around like, What’s going on? Like, Why are you asking me these questions that are making me uncomfortable? And I said, ‘Rob, you don’t get to like all the questions.’ And then he was like, Oh, I get it, like the whole thing hadn’t occurred to him.”
Sept. 26: A new cereal, Gronk Flakes, is introduced in the New England region. Gronkowski refuses to discuss this development with the media.
Sept. 28: Gronkowski is listed as questionable on the Patriots’ injury report due to a hip issue. He is expected to play.