Five reasons to hate the Kansas City Chiefs
blog by Ben Tsujimoto • September 10, 2011 @ 10:23am
Hey, we’re almost always upbeat and positive here…at least when it comes to Buffalo-related topics. The Bills visit Arrowhead Stadium tomorrow (1 p.m., CBS) to open the 2011 season, and we’re searching for reasons to hate Kansas City. The obvious one is this: you call yourselves Kansas City, but you’re not even in Kansas? Here are five more:
1) The Kansas City Chiefs are offensive—not in the “Matt Cassel hands off to Jamaal Charles” kind of offensive. Embroiled in a mascot controversy with the Native Americans as long as I can remember (I can apparently only remember back to 2005), the Chiefs are one of the least sensitive professional sports teams to other cultures. They’re still better than the Redskins, at least.
2) Kansas City’s first round draft pick, Jonathan Baldwin, won’t suit up against the Bills because of a cracked thumb. You can probably postulate worse reasons why this injury may have occurred, but it was actually because he got in a fight with Thomas Jones, the team’s locker-room leader. Also, Thomas Jones is jacked. Therefore, we hate the Chiefs because Jonathan Baldwin is a class-A idiot.
3) Even though Charlie Weis is no longer the offensive coordinator, it’s sound enough reasoning to dislike the team because Charlie Weis once coached there. How can anyone like Charlie Weis? We’re certainly glad he’s not dead, but he’s been riding the coattails of Bill Belichick and the undeserving reputation as “master play-caller” he received from his time with the Patriots.
4) I’ll never understand why Jerheme Urban spells his name like that. I mean, sure, it probably wasn’t his choice (but wouldn’t it be awesome if you could choose your own first name? I’d either be DeMarcus or Gareth), but what’s wrong with “Jeremy?” Do you really want to give people the opportunity to call you “Jer-heem?” Don’t get me started with their kicker, Ryan Succop.
5) Final reason? Because their “Hateability Index” is lower than ours. I want to vomit whenever I see an article referencing the Bills’ four straight Super Bowl losses—we do realize this was 16 years ago, right?—but it’s not like Kansas City has won a Super Bowl either. Part of the rationale for their low “hateability” is because they haven’t changed their uniforms from the brutal ketchup-and-mustard combo. No wonder looking at Charlie Weis always made me hungry.