Khaki cargo shorts slung low, plaid boxers hanging out.  A thick pair of leather sandals.  A half-tucked polo shirt clinging gingerly to sweaty skin. 

If this sounds like your spring wardrobe, gentlemen, I’m not hear to scoff at you - this is me, too.  I consider myself a bit of a dandy when I wear a clean undershirt.  That being said, there is a different path out there - a path that consists of linen pants, suede shoes, and a surprising lack of ironic t-shirts.  I know, right?  Here are five tips that relatively normal guys can pull off without going completely broke.

1.) The woven belt.  This was actually pretty popular at my high school in the mid-1990s, right down to the extra length to loop underneath.  Who knew the young men of Dunkirk High were 15 years ahead of their time?  We did, that’s who.  Anyhow, if you can’t fork over $228 for this Gilded Age version, you can get the $30 model at The Gap. 

2.) Suede shoes.  For years, I have coveted a pair of Bass Suede Bucks, but I never buy them.  Why?  I have no answer, and I am about five minutes away from buying a pair right now.  DAMN THOSE ARE SHARP SHOES.  Actually, now may be the time to pick up a pair - today’s well-dressed gentleman is investing in suede footwear, according to dappered.com.  Maybe a pair of white bucks?  Good Lord, those are fantastic.

3.) The baseball jacket.  Not those awful puffy satin ones that seemed to make a comeback over the past couple years, but the much nicer varsity-style version.  Who doesn’t like a nice varsity jacket?  Only socialists who could never hit to the opposite field.  Losers.

4.)  Linen.  Linen never goes out of style.  Wear a pair of linen pants and you feel like you’re ready for drinks in St. Lucia.  Pair those pants with a linen jacket and you’ll feel like the classiest money launderer in the Keys.  Who wants to be with you tonight, handsome?  Here’s the better question - who doesn’t?  Linen’s awesome.

5.) The t-shirt.  Hey, it’s not all linen drawers and braided belts - sometimes you just have to be a guy.  A guy in a t-shirt.  No, not one of those crummy cotton rags you keep in your closet, fatso.  You need a few of these bad boys from Jockey that “...absorb excess body heat and keep your body temperature three degrees colder than usual.”  You and me both are going to need those extra three degrees when we’re pounding funnel cake and Italian Sausage sandwiches in the middle of Delaware Avenue at the Allentown Arts Festival. Tim Tebow is undoubtedly spending his summer the same way.  Get some!